Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
