I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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