Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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