remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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