I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
