but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
