More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
