real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You ruined the universe
Randomize
