Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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