did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
