Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
