You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Come on in and take your pants off
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