Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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