Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You have to summon your inner elephant
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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