I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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