dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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