my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize