cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
