Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
