i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
