Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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