they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
