i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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