I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
