I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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