haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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