wakey wakey hands off snakey
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize