I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
