I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize