You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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