my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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