Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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