Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
