I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
