I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
