I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
