I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize