I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
