Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
