Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
