Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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