I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize