I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
