Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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