tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
