i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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