Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
