what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize