Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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