he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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