hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
