Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
