i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
