yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
