he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
