I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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