I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
