I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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