atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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