I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize