What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Rumble strips road head = magical
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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