there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
