last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize