why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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