its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
