He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
