He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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