I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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